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I realize that many of you are worried about how one would cope with the loss of a child. My answer is a lot of tears and a ton of counseling. That seems to be what I feel will help. Speaking for myself, the loss off Ethan has really messed with my head. But I am hoping that somewhere down the road, I will find some hidden strengths that came from this. Something that will help me sleep at night. I can't imagine a period of fifteen minutes or more going by without thinking of him, even while sleeping. But just to be sure, I decided to do something a little special that would normally fall outside of my comfort zone.

Although I have never had any desire to get a tattoo, two weeks ago I took the plunge and will forever have two markings to keep him close to my heart. I have a little "e" on my wrist, so that I can always see it and a private one for ethan on my shoulder. I may share the specifics on that someday... who knows?

At this point in the process, I am hoping that you are finally able to see us as human. It is hard to read a blog and really get a true idea of who that person is. We just type what we are thinking at the time and let it come out as it may. But we are in fact, people that struggle through life just like you.

Furthermore... this is a process that will take a long time to recover from, but I BeLIeVe that in the end there will be at least two positive things that come from it. I feel that this experience has improved the prayer lives of some and for others it has ignited a fire to help fight childhood cancer. I hope that you are in this fight with me, because I am ticked off at Cancer and ready for the fight. In the coming days to weeks, this site will take on a new life with many new features and ways to interact. I plead with you to stick it out and fight, if for no other reason than the list located on the left... Ethan's friends. GET PUMPED UP and BeLIeVe!!!