Today has been long overdue. I have spent the last few months trying to figure out my place in this world. Now curious of how I could possibly recover and be the man that God wants me to be, while pushing my feelings in front of his guidance. I have allowed my frustration and anger towards Him to build into something unhealthy and very much not Christ-like. In my heart I have been stained to my deepest core. I have crossed the threshold of a church building only a few times since Ethan's passing. Partially because I am much weaker than I present myself to be but mostly because I am afraid of public breakdowns. Not a day goes by that I do not cry at home, reliving the fact that I will never see his precious face again. Wanting oh so badly to hear him say "Dada" just once. I know it must be hard to know what to say to someone who has lost as I child. Even given my current situation, I still don't know what to say. So if you do in fact run into me, the best thing to say is something along the lines of "love ya!" As of recent weeks, it feels like I am in the process of some sort of recovery. I think more than anything that I have been just waiting for God to kick me in the rear and say "get right or get left behind"!
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.